at a loss

We found out last week Skanky had cancer.  It was in her stomach and liver, and the vet did not recommend trying to treat it.  His recommendation was in part because Skanky had given up on eating.  She had, "lost the will to live."

(This pretty picture is a random flickr fave, OKARA COOKIE.)

I thought I would face her death bravely.  I thought I would not be afraid to sit by her side as she left us.  I brought her home, where she could be comfortable.

After about three weeks without food, she became very frail.  She got pink eye in her right eye, then her left, too.  Yesterday, she could barley stand, and I could not watch her suffer.

We took her to the vet this morning.  Skylar and I stayed with her while she went peacefully to sleep.

In the end, I'm sure she would have preferred to have died alone, hiding in the woods in the yard.  It was an invasion of her privacy, because she is a cat and needs lots and lots of personal space.  And, though it is best that her suffering is over, it was selfish of me to want to be there for it.  I just could not stand to think of her out there, alone.  Oh well.  Any way you go about it, death is just down right awful.

Comments

[Sherryl Mascarinas]

I'm so sorry Mary. She had a good life with you, Skylar and Harper. She was so loved - so very lucky.

[Al]

Mary, I know she loved you and was thankful you were always there for her. I'm glad you got to say goodbye. She wouldn't have come back if she just wanted to be alone.

So sad. I'm so sorry.

xoxoxoxox

[Liz Massey Gendel]

Dear Mary,
I'm so sorry, Mary. You guys must be so sad right now, and I hope ya'll feel better soon!

[eric]

My thoughts are with you on the loss of Skanky. May you always have fond memories.

[Mary]

Thank you all so much. xoxoxoxoxo

[devon]

So sorry to hear. I know how important a part of our lives pets play and they may never even understand how much we love them. Thinking of you guys.

[Mary]

Awe, thank you Devon.